From abolishing the laws to abolishing the straws — and most points in between — it’s time for a look back at the week that was. Personal Liberty Digest® presents: The WIRE!
The United States of America celebrated her 242nd birthday this week. While Americans celebrated another year of liberty, Democrats took to the streets to protest against her.
This is why you can’t have nice things.
Despite their howling, July 4th passed without a mass emigration of liberals to Canada. What’s taking you so long? Your refusal to leave is forcing immigrant kids to be separated from their parents!
Do you realize how many people we can fit in some of those Malibu mansions?
The trespasser who scaled the Statue of Liberty to demand the U.S. abolish the Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement is a Congolese immigrant named Therese Patricia Okoumou, who has a long history of making a nuisance of herself to first responders with better things to do.
You know that freedom you came here to enjoy? It also means you’re free to leave.
Democrats struggling to hold it together over President Donald Trump’s upcoming Supreme Court nomination. Good thing you inspired the American electorate to vote you into the majority, so you can stop it from happening.
Oopsie. Too soon?
Realizing his own party has made it impossible to stop Trump from filling the seat of retiring Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) begged the President this week to consider nominating failed Obama pick Merrick Garland, claiming it would “unify the country.”
“But you’re still literally Hitler.”
Anti-life activists are so terrified by the pick – whom Trump has yet to identify – they’ve taken to sending coat hangers to politicians like Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) to urge her to block any nominee who might not be pro-abortion.
Hey now, conservatives don’t want to BAN abortion. We just want “common sense” abortion laws.
In a masterwork of trolling, the President challenged Senator Elizabeth Warren to prove her claims of Native American heritage, saying he’d pay $1 million if she took a DNA test. Warren responded with some random bibble-babble about Trump’s immigration policy, which I guess means that’s a “no” on taking the test.
Typical Fauxcahontas, always sending mixed smoke signals.
Avowed communist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is loving her role as the tough young upstart from the mean streets of the Bronx; except she actually grew up in tony Westchester County, where “going without” means sacrifices like not using new Titleists at Winged Foot.
The struggle is real!
Miss Ocasio-Cortez already has a challenger for her title of “new face of the Democrats.” Meet Kino Jimenez, who assaulted a 12-YEAR-OLD kid in a fast food restaurant for wearing a MAGA hat in public. Jimenez’s hate crime was applauded by liberals, who reasoned the kid deserved it. It’s all part of the Democrats’ new “Maxine Waters Tolerance Strategy.”
Telling emotionally unstable leftists to get aggressive with the children of people who are frequently armed isn’t gonna end up going badly AT ALL.
Doubtless inspired by Ocasio-Cortez’s success, DNC Chairman Tom Perez announced this week that socialism represents the future of our (Democratic) Party.”
If by “socialism,” you mean “humiliating defeat, followed by relegation to minor-party status,” then yes, yes it is.
Former President Barack Obama declared this week that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi will be Speaker after November.
Speaker of what? The old girl can’t successfully finish a sentence.
Just because the United Kingdom no longer allows free speech doesn’t mean they can’t have a spot of fun before tea time! Check out the Trump Baby blimp approved to fly over London during the upcoming visit of the leader of their top ally:
Reminds me of the barrage balloons they tried out before we came over and saved them from speaking German.
High profile lawyer Alan Dershowitz is bummed because his mega-wealthy Democrat buddies on Martha’s Vineyard have been “shunning me and trying to ban me from their social life on Martha’s Vineyard” over his support for Trump.
Buck up, Al. Not everyone who gets sideways with these people lives to tell about it.
The social justice mob continued their inward turn this week, attacking actress and feminist Scarlett Johansson for playing a “trans male” in an upcoming film.
An actor, acting. SO problematic.
Sounds like the heat is getting to liberal celebs, as people like disgraced ex-journalist Dan Rather took to social media to whine “It seems whenever there’s a deep freeze in winter, the climate change deniers jump on Twitter. It’s 100 degrees outside… the silence is deafening.” 100 degrees in the middle of summer?!? What’s madness comes next? Cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!?!
Will the 40 years of darkness begin right away, or do I have time to stock up on light bulbs?
And Seattle, Washington has become the first major U.S. city to ban drinking straws. Illegal aliens delivering theft, rape, and violence is cool, but we better not catch you sipping with an unlicensed drinking aid.
The revenue from fining kindergartners for juice box violations will cover the loss from when they raised the minimum wage.
And that’s your week in review! For the Personal Liberty Digest®, I’m Ben Crystal saying “See you next week, on The WIRE!”